Pregnancy Story: Part 2 of 3
Picking up from yesterday (here it is if you missed it). I hate that I left you hanging, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. Onward, and I promise to get straight to it after this very short disclaimer:
I am not asking for advice nor sympathy nor affirmation. You are absolutely welcome to email me back, but I am looking for nothing from you. And now, to the meat and potatoes.
I have been dealing with urinary urgency, bladder spasms, and urge incontinence for four years.
I bet given that you know how serious I am about telling my postpartum patients that peeing their pants is never normal, that you know how interested I am in pelvic floor function, and you've heard how much I take care of my own pelvic floor - from pelvic PT to regular Functional Progressions to yoni steaming to meditation to anti-inflammatory foods to intentional postpartum healing, etc. etc. - that surprises you.
Well, the shock and awe is not the point of this email. The point is that I am trying this thing where I tell you what's happening so that the aspect of keeping it hidden is no longer something that I have to keep up with.
Like I said yesterday, I am not afraid of your knowing this about me: this flaw that I have that I - with all of my knowledge and skills and resources - cannot resolve. I am simply afraid that if you have any amount of urinary incontinence, you'll think this is a pass and that you needn't put in any effort in order to care for your pelvic floor because I do all of the aforementioned (and much more) and still have these issues.
But here's what I'm telling you: peeing your pants is SO NOT NORMAL that I refuse to accept the smallest leaks, and despite the fact that I still haven't figured out why my bladder spasms, I won't stop digging because I have a firm belief that our bodies are designed to work and work well.
Thus far, I have worked with three pelvic PTs, multiple chiropractors, two functional medicine docs, three acupuncturists, four energy workers, two MDs (including one urologist), and one PA; took the slowest and most intentional postpartum recovery of literally any human that I know to date; abstained from coffee, alcohol, nuts, seeds, nightshades, legumes, sugar, soy, grains, and heavy lifting for over a year; have utilized Traditional Chinese Medicine and all of its herbs and remedies, Western medicine and several of its medications, some made-up shit that seemed like maybe a good idea (like dry needling my own perineum - YES, I DID THAT), and a mash-up of worlds East and West.
I've already had a cystocopy and was found to be "perfectly normal", which is simultaneously the most relieving and aggravating thing a symptomatic person hears.
The medication I am currently taking is expected to reach its max efficacy within 6-8 weeks, and my (very awesome) urologist doesn't want me to be on medication for the rest of my life. I've been on it for 9 weeks. I stopped taking it for a day and a half after we'd reached the 8 week mark and I'd found moderate benefit, and my symptoms increased significantly.
My current symptoms are externally palpable bladder spasms that require a significant amount of attention to breath and pelvic positioning in order to not experience leakage, and a slightly higher-than-average frequency of urination. Included in this has been a lack of sleeping through the night since Calder was born. I mean that literally. Bladder spasms - even if I don't have to get up to go to the bathroom - have woken me every night with a frequency of no less than twice each night.
When I stopped the medication, my frequency increased to greater than once per hour and no amount of breath or positioning stopped leaks when the spasms came on. I also experienced more nighttime wakings.
Tomorrow, I'll tell you where I'm planning to go from here and also where I believe this all came from (hint, you already know because I told you in the first email of this unknowingly-long series).
Until then,
L