Pregnancy Story: Part 1 of 3

Fair warning: I may lose you on this one. I have a lot of thoughts, and they may be frustrating to follow along with. I typically send emails as a mutually beneficial arrangement: you want to learn from me and I like to process things through words.

But while I think you may end up getting something (though who knows what) out of this email series, it is actually for my benefit. And I can't tell you exactly what that is (yet), which is why I'm saying I might lose you.

So if you want to know what the hell I'm talking about, but you don't have time to read this right now, then you may want to save this and wait until the other part(s) come in to your inbox.

I'll start with a story, which is an excerpt from my third book, The Third Trimester.
The story starts with me in the proctologist's office in the spring of 2016.After about 45 minutes of waiting, I'm called back. “Do you remember the setup from your last visit?” the nurse asks sweetly.
“Just that I need to take my pants off,” I chuckle.
Eldon asks what her name is, and then Brittney informs us that I'll need to lie on my right side in the fetal position, and drape the provided cloth over my nether regions. Got it. I must admit that Eldon’s idea of getting names first makes sense. A short while later, Dr. Saleeby comes in and I explain my plight: “About three weeks ago, I stopped being able to tuck my hemorrhoids back in; then I noticed my pelvic floor felt *off*, and my right SI joint started hurting and won't let up despite getting adjusted.” (His brother is a chiropractor, so I didn't feel that needed any more explanation.)
He responds, “You're not even going to blame *some* of that on the baby?”
I'm not really sure how to answer him. Yes, the hemorrhoids came about due to the changes in my digestive system as a result of pregnancy, but no, I am not of the belief that pregnancy is the cause of my low back pain or pelvic floor dysfunction. That mindset is common, but is part of the reason why women just deal with pain during pregnancy rather than addressing it. Pregnancy just draws attention to biomechanical insufficiencies that are otherwise present. I don't need to say all of this to him, though. I just need him to make my ass stop hurting.
“Well,” I start, but then am saved by the adorable and precocious blonde in the room.
“I'm two!” Eldon announces. Dr. Saleeby engages with Eldon and then suggests we “take a look”. So Brittney holds up my left butt cheek while Dr. Saleeby looks at my ass and pokes around with some relatively uncomfortable tools.
“Ooh!” I jump. Well, sort of. I'm lying sideways on a table while two people are grabbing my ass and my son is holding my hand; I don’t actually jump, per se.
“Yeah, you've got an internal and external hemorrhoid here. We can do one of two things: I can excise that, or we can do the injection again. If we cut it off, you'll be sore. Probably a hydrocodone or two today and maybe some Tylenol tomorrow, but I can't say for sure; you may be more sore than that. Do you see patients tomorrow?”
“I do.” And there's no way I'm taking an opioid during pregnancy.
“Okay, then we should probably opt for the injection, unless you are able to take tomorrow off just in case.”
“The injection will be fine. And the baby is okay with this, right?” I'm confirming. I've already researched this and he told me at my last visit that he treats pregnant and breastfeeding moms all the time with no issues.
“Yes, the injection stays local and will harden the area. You should notice improvement this week, and then I'll follow up with you in about three weeks.”
I agree, and within about thirty seconds he says he'll put some gauze and tape over the external hemorrhoid since he's tucked it back in, but it's sure to come out again.
“Oh, you're done?”
“Yep, I'll just tape your cheeks together and this can stay until your next bowel movement.” I doubt that. You can't confine this ass.

After checking out, scheduling a follow up, and letting Eldon choose his lollipop, we head to the car. I sit down and feel the tape rip apart as soon as I do. Saw that coming.

Now you have a bit of a backdrop in which to place the information that I'm about to share with you. I can't tell you just yet because I first have to tell you *why* I haven't shared this.

I have no problem sharing vulnerable things. I've shared them here with you plenty of times, and if you follow me on instagram, you know that I cry on there quite frequently, and post my failures as well as my successes.

I used to be terrified that people would discover my "weaknesses", but in the process of embracing a growth mindset, I now just throw them out there for y'all to see. Because if I already know it's true, what's the point in trying to hide it from anyone? I can't hide it from me.

But I've kept something hidden from most people for about four years. At first it was because I was embarrassed, ashamed, and felt like a failure. As my mindset around failure has shifted drastically, though, I've intentionally chosen not to share this thing because I am afraid that you'd give up.

I have this story in my head that I have the opportunity to show people what's possible: entrepreneurship, parenting, homeschooling, autoimmunity reversal, eye rehab to not need glasses, endurance races, blah blah. The random things that I do that most people think they can't do are often totally possible for them - they just need to see someone else do them (like the first time Roger Bannister broke a 4 minute mile, and then after that was "possible", plenty of other people were able to do it). I like to show people possibilities - even if I'm not the one acting them out.

So when I tell you that there's something that I have been thus far unable to overcome, I don't want you to give up if this is your plight.

There's something I know about myself that I know keeps me going when others give up, or even prevents them from starting: it's tenacity. I don't know where I got it; I don't know how to share it with you. Sometimes it's just plain stubbornness, but I don't freaking give up on shit if it matters.

So the reason why I haven't told you about this thing yet is because it is such a common thing and for most people, their symptoms resolve with significantly less effort than mine has taken.

When I tell you that I have yet to overcome this obstacle, I do not wish for you to take that as a cue that you should give up if you are dealing with the same or similar symptoms. Instead, I want you to take what I'm telling you as an understanding that some things are not worth giving up on, even if it takes years to get to the bottom of the issue.



This is too long already. I'll follow up tomorrow. I know that's going to drive you nuts, but I also know that you won't read this if it's too long. Tomorrow it is.
xox

L